Untwined Knots
Woman before the Rising Sun, Painting by Caspar David Friedrich
1st Late, Curtain-Up:
“My routine looks miserable.”
“Need to attend the 9pm Zoom class.”
“Pandemic hits hard!”
These are some lines from my planner. That day, the online class extended up to 10.50 p.m. I had my dinner at 11 p.m. The first ‘late dinner’ I ever had. I slept at around 1 a.m. The first regular ‘late night’ sleep it was. The next day was sleepy and gloomy. The first late day I ever had.
2nd, 3rd, & 4th Late, Curtain Up, up, up...:
The lockdown continued with our online classes. The evening was packed with digital faces. I tried to speak up once. But I just got smear replies—mostly contained utterly polite crooked smiles! One of my classmates said, “Everybody loves this system. Be a little night owl!”
A small voting session washed out every doubt. Two to three classes had morning timings and the bulk went to the evenings/nights. Again, I started getting my late night mode. I would not say I liked this ‘system’ but by then I was accustomed. It was not my choice, but by the fourth time, I was truly turning into an owl!
Continued Late, Curtain-Up & Knots:
“I really do not have any idea why I start my pending work in the evenings. All of my plans have shifted in the evenings. I choose my meetings in the evening. I workout in the evening and so on and so forth I prefer night over day. Is it by choice? Not really. It has been a routine since the day I was bound to be present in the overpowering systems of others. I get late days. I do not have any time for a small pause. I am running but no work has been completed. The fear of the last moment continues like a black shadow of a sword. Every day, I try intuitively to arrange my days. But it remains as ‘a try’ not as ‘a result’. I feel I stretched almost an entire year to call this as ‘not-my-fault’ theme. But eventually I know, I allowed these awful daily knots which fastened my work and lifestyle. I never considered myself to be a late riser. But in one year, I achieved that unrecognizable ‘me’ who just runs for every second. Unworldly.”
It’s an excerpt from ‘Self-Reflection’ section of my diary. I knew that this ‘Curtain’ needs to go down, anyhow.”
Pattern Breakage:
Every pattern takes time to build but it takes even a tough time to be broken, especially if that is unworthy. The loop went in a negative direction which used to move rightfully. My way moved into an unknown ally and it’s hard to revive something that you had lost in a pretty derelict manner. In the Leadership and Communication course, we learned about ‘Get on the Balcony’. That means to see something from a bird’s-eye view. Keep yourself where you are, and look at that ‘you’ from a distance. Your lacks and difficulties will get ‘shape’ and then it will be easier to solve the target problem. For me, the main issue consisted of the last moment night works, “I do it now so I’ll get easy mornings.”
That mindset accumulated and I could never fix my time in a better way. When a bird’s-eye view picks the right problem the easier it becomes. There were so many other ifs or buts. It was the time when a reverse gear could take the car in the right direction.
During my conscious effort to run my loop in the positive direction, I read the book, The 5 AM Club by Robin Sharma. That made my way even more purposeful. I find Rule 5 from Chapter 6 as one of the major perspective shifts for me. Rule 5 says, “When you feel like surrendering, continue. Triumph loves the relentless.”
That continuation is inarguably hard, but it works like a prism where effort enters like a sun beam and gives you the entire colour palette with a proper arrangement. I call this power of continuation Ina*. The gradual steps of the untwined knots initiate the power of concentration. Continuation needs concentration. The continuation never stops and it can create a serene synchronicity if we allow only ourselves over the overpowering attributes of others. Morning ambience truly waits for its visitors. The synchronicity and the wilful momentum define the days with the shine of the mornings. It looks like a nimbus of aplomb.
(*In Sanskrit, Ina (इन).—a. means determined or anything that is powerful.)