Timeless Tinge
The Soul of the Rose, 1908, Artwork by John William Waterhouse
The shower head finished oozing out the last drop of water as I moved its silver controller towards the left. The nights were pretty relaxing in contrast to the uneasy summer days. It was almost nine in the evening. With my moist hands, I lit up the diffuser and poured a few drops of lavender essential oil on top. I took out my gua sha from the dresser, put the ear plug on, searched ‘Pandit Ravi Shankar sitar music’, touched the play icon on ‘Raga Rasia’, and laid my almost wet hair on the bed head. I moved the gua sha on my neck and then on the sore muscles of my shoulder. Perhaps the week-long tiredness was settling down like the comfortable fallen leaves on meadows. I guess I just spent five minutes in that serenity.
I startled. The phone rang. The music stopped. My college-mate’s name popped up. We would be talking after almost a year. I smiled and picked up, quite enthusiastically. Before I could say anything, she started off, “Hey, listen, do you have the contact number of that guy?”
I answered, “Which guy?”
“I forgot his name. That one, with weird eye brows, from the Sociology batch. I need to talk.”
“No, I don’t...”
“Okay, fine.” She almost flew to grab my words. Then she added, “What were you doing, by the way? You didn’t answer my message. I messaged you a few minutes ago. No response!”
“You messaged? Oh, so sorry. I was lying down and listening to Sitar music...”
“What? Lying down? And what? Sitar music?”
She shouted so hard as if I were listening to some heinous crime announcement and resting with that. She continued, “Who does that? You couldn’t even help me. Don’t be such a narcissist.”
Narcissist! It was indeed a strong remark. She knew nothing about my work-schedule. Neither she asked me how I am nor did she give me any chance to ask her about her days. She came like an unprecedented desert storm. She left me with two red ears, a hot sigh, and an aching heart. “Am I wrong with my personal choices? Was it my mistake that I did not have an unknown boy’s contact number? Should I really consider my most-awaited self-care regime a guilty arrangement? Does it make me a narcissist?” These questions were travelling through my mind like glowing avalanches. After this agonizing phone call, my planned, organized, peaceful self-time reversed into something so tormenting that I would never want that for anyone else. I dumped my face on the pillow.
Self-care, is it narcissism? If we collectively search the term on the web, self-care complies exquisite routines to make our days a little more bonhomous, comfortable, and to some extent, a preparation for awaiting productivity. But at the same time, some statements climb up with the tag that self-care endorses narcissism. If some planned time with myself could cheer me up and prepare me for my next hurdle, how would that be boxed into the idea of narcissism? Narcissism is not casual. It is a psychological condition and cannot be taken into colloquial terminology to disgrace others if they are positively trying to settle down with some self-care practices. Self-care is a personal choice to accelerate a positive boost to the mindset, physical wellbeing and spiritual inspiration. Self-care is not narcissism. Both are not even collaterally related. So how can these terms be used in the same context? On that day, when I was almost doomed into the feeling of abandonment, I found a bit of solace with the YouTube video of Jamila Musayeva’s self-care tips. Author and YouTuber Ms. Musayeva introduced some excellent points on self-care that would inspire the audience to take a step towards a bigger goal, which is self-development. I do believe, if we dedicate the tiniest part of our existence to ourselves, we grow, and when we grow, we can pass on that to the next person. This positive series can continue with the utmost solidarity. I call this series Ina*. I feel self-care is the timeless tinge that someday would fly to find a primo space. Self-care or self-development does not limit us; it is a moving miracle.
(*In Sanskrit, Ina (इन).—a. means determined or anything that is powerful.)